What do I want for Christmas this year? A different mayor-elect

Behave, we’re making a list

Too bad Election Day isn’t held Dec. 25. Seeing what we got, maybe we could’ve exchanged him for something else.

And if you think it’s just the thought that counts — lots of luck. Just try sending someone a nice Christmas gift COD.

Listen, any ho-ho-ing dude who drops into my house only one day a year and doesn’t want to drink, eat or stay over could be my friend for life.

December and politicians are all about unloading tubs-full of money. It’s called a deficit. We ­peons do it and it’s called Christmas shopping.

Not all get invited to the White House holiday. I’m hearing Comey couldn’t get his ego down the chimney.

Weeks before Santa and all through each house — not a creature is stirring except Joe Biden who’s coloring Easter eggs.

AND what to give Kardashian? A bra. Hunter — truth serum. Mrs. Pelosi — a mirror. Eric Adams — a handout from his former “roommate” whom he made a highly paid city executive. Putin — an 8-by-10 photo of Zelensky. In color.

At the White House Christmas party somebody’s going to try to exchange Crapdammy. I mean, that’s a problem. Where do you go to give back a mayor? An NYC resident could joke that all the wise men are under Christmas trees instead of being in City Hall. You could make that joke. Me, not.

So Dr. Lazare, my dentist, what’s he want for the holiday? He said: “Your two front teeth.”

Grinches have a point. Santas’ clothes are that shloompy casual red suit, boots, beard, a bag on the shoulder and they work only one day a year. Look at it this way: Our teenagers are already dressed for the job.

Desired holiday gifts: Ex former royal and now less regal is the previously semi-respected, newly permanently forever unemployed specter of what used to be and once was Mrs. Meghan Markle’s toy — the ­previous HRH Harry. What’s to wrap up for him? A job? A dog bowl? A lawyer?

Menendez, what he wants is a Monopoly set with a Get Out of Jail Free card. Sean “Diddy” Combs, ditto. Harvey Weinstein — a copy of Diddy’s card.

BUT let’s celebrate our new mayor. His Three Wise Men would be those New Yorkers who sold their homes quickly.

And de Blasio. Nothing. Nada. Niente. Nisht — is what he gave us. But some say we should also speak of that bomb, the red beret boob. OK. But why? He got what he wanted — attention. And we got what we wanted — rid of him.

You mustn’t mind my sense of humor. We are Americans. New Yorkers. We are free. And no more should we worry about fixing up our jails for hardened criminals. Fie on Rikers. Our new mayorlet has options. Anyone ever been to Siberia?

My neighbor, who had his own house, said to his wife: “Remember when I said I’d retire at age 60? Well, looks like my new retirement age is now 30.”

Only, mainly, primarily, absolutely — mostly in New York, kids, mostly in New York.