The one place on a nude cruise ship where you can’t be naked

They’re not pirates, but they’ll have to hide their booties while feasting on the high seas. 

Travel buffs who prefer vacationing in the buff can freely flaunt their flesh with Bare Necessities, a tourist company chartering nude cruises to exotic destinations. 

But it’s not all fun and games and genitalia in every corner of the watercraft. 

Passengers, many who spend between $13,000 to $50,000 to bare it all onboard, must cover up their portholes in spaces dedicated to chowing down. 

“Clothing is required for all meals taken in the dining rooms,” per Bare Necessities’ Frequently Asked Questions, which notes, however, that the self-serve buffet is a “clothes-free” area.

“Casual attire is fine in all of these venues,” says the site of ship eateries. “Bathrobes are not permitted in the dining room.”

The cruise line insists that trippers remain full clothed while docked in port, during the captain’s introduction reception and when locals come aboard to perform.

“When in doubt as to what is appropriate attire, simply confirm that breasts, bottoms and genitalia are fully covered by clothing that is not considered to be fetish-wear or lingerie,” the rule continues. “Lingerie, fetish-wear, and excessive genital jewelry are not appropriate at any time.”

Glittery groins could ruin anyone’s appetite. 

Still, even with the strict attire requirement, au naturel aficionados are eating up the concept of nautical nakedness. 

A herd of uninhibited hedonists set sail on a  968-foot vessel — endearingly nicknamed “The Big Nude Boat” —  for an 11-day, clothing-optional Bare Necessities cruise to the Caribbean, which made stops in Martinique and St. Lucia, this February. 

Nudists on the ride raved about the unique experience online, commenting, “What an amazing trip,” and “What a blast,” on the company’s official Instagram account. 

It’s fawning fans notwithstanding, Bare Necessities admits that it can’t give “one definite answer” to why folks enjoy boating in their birthday suits. 

“Many have expressed that they find themselves more relaxed and withholding less of who they are without the barrier of clothing,” reads the site. “Bottom line — being able to relax in your own skin leads to body acceptance.”

Self-love was a souvenir that Helen Berriman, 47, of London, took home after a two-week voyage on a nude cruise with 2,300 strangers in 2023. 

“I used to struggle with body positivity and confidence, but now I am so different. My body is my vessel,” said Berriman following the esteem-enhancing trip. “I used to equate nudity to sex and being objectified, but now my outlook has totally changed.”

Bare Necessities is clear that its undressed launches have nothing to do with sex. 

“If you are seeking a lifestyle or swinger experience, we are not the appropriate cruise for you,” writes the brand. 

It, too, prohibits “fondling or inappropriate touching of personal body parts or those of someone else,” as well as “overt sexual activity or any solicitation for sexual acts.”

There are also a number of “NO PHOTO ZONES” around the ships’ pools and dance halls, where pleasure-seekers are banned from snapping pics.  

“As an affiliated club of the American Association of Nude Recreation (AANR), we adhere to its standards of etiquette and decorum,” the imprint adds. “Violations of these standards will result in immediate disembarkation at the next port of call, without refund or compensation of any kind.”

Bare Necessities’ next nudie cruise, “The Scenic Eclipse II,” is scheduled for October 26 through November 9, with certain reservations already sold out.