Kicker position is the ‘B-side’


Some of us are old enough to know why it is called “rolling” the car window up or down.

Young kids never had to let their fingers do the walking. They’ll never know the frustration of needing to adjust the TV antenna, or the joy when you finally got the channel to come in … for just long enough to make it back to the couch before the white noise returned.

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You know what else they’ll never understand? The “B-side.”

A quick recap for our newer humans: Music used to come on vinyl records, and if you didn’t want to buy the whole album, you bought a single.

And on the A-side was the hit song you purchased. But you could flip it over to the B-side and get a lesser-known song — normally something else from the same album.

You know what B-sides often were? Useless. You didn’t want the song, you wanted the other song. If the B-side song were really any good, it would have been a hit, too, and been the A-side of its own single.

Yes, we know. You came here for a fantasy piece, why are you getting a history lesson? It’s because kickers are the B-side of your fantasy football roster.

They serve no real purpose. Sure, every once in a while you’ll get a surprise great who comes out of nowhere, but more often, even that is just for a week or two during the season.

And those are the best ones. The majority, you never pay them any attention, unless it is to pick up a new one when the bye week rolls around.


Nick Folk, making a kick with the Jets in 2016, resigned with Gang Green a couple of weeks ago.
Nick Folk, making a kick with the Jets in 2016, resigned with Gang Green a couple of weeks ago. AP

Like defense/special teams, there isn’t a huge variance in the best kicker and the replacement value, there is no need to waste draft capital to get the “best” just because they are listed at the top of your draft board. Just like you wouldn’t go spending money just to buy the B-side of a record.

You know what eventually happened to B-sides in real life?

They went away. New technology and better marketing and packaging of good content made them obsolete. The same can happen to your fantasy kicker if your commissioner is on the ball.

That is your best draft strategy for kickers: Get in a league that doesn’t use them.

Fantasy Football DVQ: The only draft rankings you need

The latest incarnation of the Fantasy Madman’s football rating system has arrived. The nuts and bolts have been tweaked and strengthened, the breadth of the database was expanded, some ingredients were added to the soup, and some that were souring the stew were removed. So we’re leaner and more flavorful. Now allow us to serve you the latest helping of the Draft Value Quotient (DVQ). 

The DVQ is a system that rates players across the board, balancing value based on positional depth. A player’s DVQ rating represents the point in the draft where projected production meets draft value. Each draft slot is assigned a value for expected production, which descends at a constant rate (same amount of expected points substracted from each descending pick). However, a player’s real-world production forms an arc (steep fall at top, then flattening out), therefore there are gaps in the ratings. Example: The top player might have a 1.0 DVQ, but the second-ranked player might have a DVQ of 13.3. Deeper in the draft pool, instead of big gaps, players will only be separated by percentage points. 

So saddle up, study up, then queue up a draft, and take a ride with the DVQ. 

If you fail to do that, then when drafting one, use your last pick. Unless … if your league allows you not to draft one, then don’t even draft one.

Instead, take another dart throw, then wait until the last minute to drop your lowest upside player to add a kicker off the wire.

That’s how useless they are for fantasy purposes. You can pretend they don’t exist and only focus on A-side players.

But if you’re desperate for a B-side recommendation, then take Ka’imi Fairbairn if he is available.


Betting on the NFL?


He was hurt much of last season, so he gets forgotten and sometimes is still on the board late.

He has a strong leg and plays on a team that can move the ball and get in scoring position.

That is my one and only B-side tune I’m playing for you today.

Hopefully your league graduates to a fantasy iPod soon and leave the B-sides behind. In the meantime, roll up that window, it’s getting cold in here.


Let’s be honest—no matter how stressful the day gets, a good viral video can instantly lift your mood. Whether it’s a funny pet doing something silly, a heartwarming moment between strangers, or a wild dance challenge, viral videos are what keep the internet fun and alive.

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