Is Taylor Swift’s album really full of white supremacy and homophobia, or has everyone lost their minds?

Taylor Swift’s new album “The Life of a Showgirl” is barely three days old, and already woke killjoys are tearing it apart, finding offensive lyrics where there are none.

Overly-online social media critics of Swift instantaneously apparently decided the new album is rife with racism and homophobia, as well as secret messages of support for the patriarchy, eugenics, and Donald Trump.

Forensic “investigations” have uncovered “dog-whistles,” but only woke detectives themselves are capable of hearing them.

Either Swift is a covert alt-right influencer, or her young critics have been taught to see oppression everywhere, including where it quite clearly is not.

Every track on the album, which came out on Friday, has already been dissected for “offensive” content. Swift’s track “Opalite” has been dubbed everything from “high-key a white supremacist anthem” to “lowkey [giving] homophobia” and a cryptic declaration that Swift is a “lily white queen.”

“CANCELLED!” has been dragged for supposedly being pro-MAGA, despite Swift’s consistently Democratic political record.

“‘I like my friends canceled,’ is the most tone deaf lyric a white billionaire with MAGA friends could release in this climate,” a tweet with almost 100,000 likes reads. 

The singer has been dragged for maintaining a friendship with Brittany Mahomes, wife of NFL star Patrick Mahomes, who controversially liked an Instagram post about the 2024 GOP platform. Swift endorsed Harris but didn’t disavow her friend, who presumably is conservative.

God forbid the singer demonstrate that you can be friends across party lines. What a terrible lesson!

Meanwhile, “Ophelia,” a song that gives the tragic Shakespeare character from “Hamlet” a revised happy ending, was dragged by critics for “reinforcing the patriarchy.”

One self-proclaimed English major on X said, “I refuse to listen to a song that implies Ophelia might’ve reconsidered killing herself if she had just dated a quarterback.” She might have the degree, but her takeaway is just plain juvenile.

In her song “Wishlist,” Swift says she wants to have a couple kids and get “the whole block lookin’ like you.” Some went as far as to suggest this is an allusion to eugenics, a truly astonishing leap.

One TikToker claimed to see a subtext, which she read as, “I want to have your white babies, and I actually want our entire neighborhood to be racially homogenous.” She continued, “Now Taylor’s calling y’all childless cat ladies because she’s about to pop out some kids.”

A 35-year-old woman who has sung about searching for the love of her life for years finally expressing her enthusiasm about creating a wholesome family life with her new fiancé is, apparently, a call for a white ethno-state. Because of course.

Another fan-turned-critic pointed out, “She is free to put out a song about wanting a husband and children and a basketball hoop and a house and a cul-de-sac, [but] she has to accept the context that, if she puts that out right now, it’s going to feel like propaganda.”

Since when is having a family a provocative political statement?

The young woman also compared the album to a bad lunch date: “If you are out to lunch with a friend, and you are unemployed, you are struggling to put food on the table, you are worried about not having access to your healthcare, and all they do is chatter on and on about how lucky they are, how rich they are, how wonderful their boyfriend is, it’s going to be a little exhausting.”

She continued, “Considering how much Taylor has benefitted [from] and marketed on that parasocial relationship with her fans, it would have been nice to get some acknowledgement of the problems that most of us are struggling with right now.”

For these overly-analytical individuals, everything is personal, and nothing can be taken at face value. But most of these adult critics sound like teenaged keyboard warriors who never grew up.

This is nothing new for Swift. Over her now decades-long career, the singer has been accused of releasing racist music videos, speaking to the “lowercase kkk,” and being a Nazi icon. And it’s all flat out ridiculous.

The years-long expedition to find bigotry where there is none and to take offense when none is intended is a sad reflection on our society. 

Young people in particular have been taught that there’s social currency in oppression. Bonus points if you can find it hiding in plain sight, even if that requires resorting to middle school level textual analysis.

Undoubtedly there is bigotry in our society, but searching for it in pop songs creates a false sense that the world is a far more hateful and dangerous place than it really is.

In a moment of historical political polarization, you’d think a Taylor Swift album could be an apolitical moment of cultural unity. But sadly, even benign tracks about her fiancé are being used as an excuse to pull us further apart.