Hollywood is fresh out of ideas — so now we have a ‘Freakier Friday’
Telling tales as old as time
America. Land of the free, home of the brave. Lurching backward. Everything old is getting retold. TV in May did a tribute to Joan Rivers who left us in 2014. We just got a Barbara Walters documentary. Clooney schlepped back from Italy where he lives — not the USA — to reprieve “Good Night and Good Luck,” which opened back when Jill Biden was brunette.
You don’t have to stay home and watch old movies. You can now watch new movies with old stars. People is an ancient magazine. Its new cover’s big story is who? WHO? Lindsay Lohan and Jamie Lee Curtis.
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Nice to see Lindsay — she’s had addiction stuff, setbacks, legal misery, near bankruptcy, parent trouble, sobriety issues, career fallout and no front and center top shot hot spot since Thomas Jefferson did it with his mistress. Full on, front and center, with her on that magazine cover? Jamie Lee Curtis. Lovely. Talented. Great actress. But hasn’t carried a movie since Marilyn Monroe needed a training bra.
We’re now seeing specks of survival of the FFs: Formerly Famous. Clint Eastwood? Recently directed something called “Juror #2.” In it, remember J.K. Simmons? Remember Clint whose last previous shot was 2021’s “Cry Macho” for Warner Bros. for whom he worked from 1971 until 2014. How about great Dick Van Dyke? Still dancing barefoot at nearly 100 and yet he recently knocked off Coldplay’s new music thing “All My Love.”
And Broadway? Oy. Rejuicing Shakespeare who hasn’t written anything new in weeks. Let’s re-applaud everybody’s favorite “Chicago”? The thing’s been around since before the city began. “Hamilton”? A re-re-re-do. It’s lasted longer than the human Hamilton. How about rejuicing “The Rocky Horror Show” which opened 1975 — and — ready? — one of the revivals had me in it.
Broadway — now known as Shrivelway — just had — again- again — “Glengarry Glen Ross.” It recently had — again — again — “Sunset Boulevard” with Nicole Scherzinger, who just closed in the over-trafficked musical, which hasn’t changed except for its prices. And rejuiced Clooney, 64, who reopened in rererevivalled “Good Night and Good Luck.”
Wait. More. Comes now a TV birth. Neil Patrick Harris will host TV’s new thing, “What’s in the Box?” New? Its contestants guess what’s in a box. Wow! Sounds great. Right out of what went out in the ’60s.
Wait. More. Sept. 12. Joe’s Pub is bringing us “The Ballad of JonBenét Ramsey.” It’s a musical. Supposedly high camp about a child who was murdered years ago. Not sure exactly what songs go with death but just letting you know.
And if scratching around for the smell of an oldie movie, there’s the newie “Jurassic World: Rebirth.” Spielberg exec-produced the thing with Mahershala Ali and Scarlett Johansson, who says: “It’s like a version of ‘Jaws’ having maybe a baby with ‘Jurassic,’ ” and if you understand that you’re a better man than I am Gunga Din.
So three New York mice were lapping up the spilled scotch on the floor. Stoned, said one: “I’m going to find Obama and knock him out.” Said the second: “I’m going to take on that useless ex FBI chief.” The third mouse, in from The Bronx, said: “You guys do what you want. I’m going upstairs to make love to the cat.”
Only in New York, kids, only in New York.
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