Baby Jesus abducted from Long Island nativity scene as Suffolk County officials offer mercy to ungodly thief

Thou shall not steal.

A Baby Jesus figure was kidnapped from a nativity scene outside of a Long Island government building — and now Suffolk County officials have thrown a Hail Mary, by offering clemency to the perp in hopes they will return the statue. 

Suffolk Executive Ed Romaine and the county’s top cop Kevin Catalina both pleaded for the Christ child’s return after an unknown sinner stole him from outside of the H. Lee Dennison Building in Hauppauge some time between Christmas Eve and New Year’s Day. 

“We want Baby Jesus back!” Romaine declared at a news conference Friday. 

Though Romaine expressed his anger at the situation, he offered a Christ-like deal, asking the thief to come forward and bring back the figure in exchange for forgiveness, promising not to ask questions, detain, arrest or charge them with any crimes. 

“If they bring him back to the building — we will just accept it — no questions asked,” Romaine said as part of his empathetic offer. 

However, Catalina made clear that if the heathen doesn’t come forward — Suffolk police will track down the Godless goon and throw the good book at them — with cops detailing that they’re investigating all angles, including whether it is a possible anti-Christian hate crime. 

“We are a county that emphasizes tolerance and acceptance of all religions and this is an affront to those who worship,” Romaine said. 

County officials said surveillance footage from around the complex — which is home to the county legislature — is being reviewed as investigators work to determine exactly when and how the figure was taken.

Authorities urged anyone with information about the theft, or the whereabouts of the missing statue, to come forward and contact Suffolk County police.