We Must Discuss Those Gross Troll Pubes In Netflix’s ‘Troll 2’

I’ll get straight to the point: Why the hell do the trolls in Netflix’s Troll 2 movie have such prominent pubic hair?

If you managed to make it all the way through the sequel to the 2022 Norwegian monster movie Troll without noticing the frankly obscene amount of literal troll bush, then I’m very sorry to be the one to call your attention to it. But frankly, I couldn’t think about anything else.

Directed by Roar Uthaug, who also directed the first film, Troll 2 sees the return of scientist and troll expert Nora Tidemann (played by Ine Marie Wilmann), who is called back to troll-tracking duty after a recently-captured new troll—a Megatroll—escapes from its prison. As with all kaiju sequels, Troll 2 had to up the stakes with a second troll, who fights the Megatroll on behalf of humankind.

On the body hair maintenance front, it doesn’t seem to matter whether a troll is fighting to defend or for revenge. Because both trolls in Troll 2 have very noticeable, very shaggy pubes around their genitals.

C’mon, I can’t be the only one who noticed this, right? This movie is popular enough to be in the No. 1 slot on Netflix’s Top 10 Trending Movies list. Surely, other Netflix viewers out there were taken aback by the sheer volume of troll bush in this film. (These guys live in the mountains, and turn into stone, so it may very well be an actual bush, with like, leaves and sticks and stuff.) It was extremely distracting.

Logically, I can acknowledge that, in-universe, it makes sense for the trolls to have pubic hair. After all, they also have very long head hair, facial hair, and—presumably—under-arm hair. It stands to follow that hair would grow on the trolls’ mons pubis as well. I also understand that, for the sake of the movie’s TV-14 rating, said pubic hair needs to be thick enough to obscure whatever troll sex organ he’s got going on under there.

Emotionally, however, I absolutely hate it. I’d really rather not have a visual reminder that this troll has a penis. Like, did they have to make the hair so conspicuous? So crystal clear? Did they really have to frame a shot with the troll tail dangling between it’s legs?

I checked, and the troll bush was not nearly so illustrious and plentiful in the first Troll film. In fact, in the 2022 Troll, we only see a full-body shot of the troll a few times. When we do, the troll’s privates are tastefully obscured by smoke and dim lighting.

Yes, it does have pubic hair, if you squint. But in the first movie, director Roar Uthaug did the right thing and directed our attention away from the troll genitalia. That’s all I want! Because honestly, once I spotted that first glimpse of pubes, I couldn’t see anything else. I could barely pay attention to those epic troll fights. I was too busy laughing at the excessive, literal bush.