Brittany Cartwright Says Getting Yelled At By ‘Special Forces’ DS “Triggered” Her After “Toxic” Relationship: “I Wasn’t Prepared Like I Thought I Was”

Brittany Cartwright had a difficult couple of years leading up to her short-lived time on Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test Season 4, which premiered last week. The Valley star has been open about her contentious divorce with her estranged husband Jax Taylor, whose verbal abuse was put on full display in the latest season of the hit Bravo show. While she gave it her best shot on the FOX competition series, she felt too “triggered” by the Directing Staff (DS) to finish out her first day on the course.

When Cartwright signed up for Special Forces—in which her former Vanderpump Rules co-star Tom Sandoval previously competed—she thought she would be able to “handle” the DS yelling at screaming at her since she had just come out of “such a toxic relationship” with Taylor, who she wed in the eighth season of Vanderpump Rules.

 “I wasn’t prepared like I thought I was, emotionally and mentally, to deal with something like that again,” Cartwright told Decider over a Zoom interview. “I know that’s their job. No hate towards them whatsoever. That’s their job to put us through the wringer, to do all that stuff. But men screaming at me and putting me down and just telling me how weak I was just wasn’t for me.”

While Cartwright didn’t last too long into the first episode before she ripped off her armband and voluntarily withdrew from the course, she did get to face one of her biggest fears—heights—by jumping out of a helicopter. “I’m just so proud of myself that I did that, because I’m the type of person who doesn’t even want to look over the side of a balcony,” Cartwright—who acknowledged that even “signing up for that show is showing something”—said.

When Decider caught up with the reality star, she also spoke about Sandoval’s most “iconic” moment from Special Forces, why she decided to sign up for the show, and which of her co-stars from The Valley could do well on future seasons. Check out the full interview below.

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DECIDER: I was so excited to hear that you’d be on Special Forces. What made you want to join this show?

BRITTANY CARTWRIGHT: I was really at a time in my life where I wanted to try things, I needed to reach out of my comfort zone. There was a lot going on with The Valley and stuff that was so dark and deep, and I just really wanted to just see if I could put myself out there and try something completely different. And I did. 

You are not the first Vanderpump Rules alum to do Special Forces as Tom Sandoval starred in Season 2. Have you spoken to him at all about your time on the show?

No, I haven’t really talked to Sandoval about pretty much anything in the last couple of years. No hate or anything like that, but he’s just not really in my circle of friends anymore, so we didn’t really talk. Maybe I should have reached out just to see how things were, but it just didn’t seem like something that made sense for me to do. 

Have you watched previous seasons? If so, were there any past celebrity recruits who inspired you? 

I definitely watched before I went on. I knew it was going to be extremely hard, so I was aware of that. I think it was just like watching it and realizing like, “Oh, my gosh, they have to fight each other. They had to do all this.” There was just so much that I would never do in real life. I couldn’t imagine having to fight my castmates. Just little things like that. But, you know, JoJo [Siwa] carrying Tom [Sandoval] is something I always think about. It’s iconic. It’s hilarious. She killed it. 

In your first few minutes of being with the DS, your heads were bagged and your faces were shoved into mud. Was the intensity of the DS anything like you expected it to be?

Oh, no. Even watching it, it’s nowhere near living it. You watch it and you can see this is tough [and] this is intense. I knew I was doing a TV show. But as soon as they put the bags on our heads and were yelling at us and everything else, it didn’t feel like that anymore. I was shaking uncontrollably. Even in the very beginning, I thought I was going to have a panic attack just from having the bag over my head. It was over 100 degrees outside. It was so hot. We’re in regular clothes, bags overhead. If I didn’t find a little pocket of air – I was able to put my chin down and have this little bit of light right there – if I wouldn’t have had that, I don’t know what I would have done. And thank God the DS didn’t see me doing that because I was able to go like this and lay down with my head against my chin and breathe that way, because that was hard. That was difficult. 

It’s funny because they are so scary in the show, but when you meet them IRL, they are the nicest guys ever. Have you gotten to connect with them on a more personal level since leaving the show?

Yeah, after I left the show, it was definitely like, “Okay, they’re normal people.” I met them for the first time on the course and they were screaming at me, yelling at me, putting me down, screaming left and right, telling me I’m a princess, telling me I’m this and I’m that and I’m weak. And I’m like, “I know I’m weak, I know I am.” It was very, very intense. Whenever you see them outside of it, they’re just so kind and so nice. They’re doing what they’re trying to do and how it really is. We don’t ever experience that lifestyle, aside from doing something like Special Forces. I give them all the credit because, my God, it’s so hard. 

At one point, you were forced to jump out of a helicopter – despite your fear of heights. When you watched that back, what was going through your mind? Would you say it helped conquer your fears or made them worse?

I’m just so proud of myself that I did that, because I’m the type of person who doesn’t even want to look over the side of a balcony. If I’m in a hotel room and there’s a window, I’m not looking down, I’m not letting my son be on the glass. He’s not touching the glass. None of that’s happening. If Cruz is in the room with me, I’m probably closing the curtains because I don’t even want him to see that. I’m very proud of myself that I did that. I think it helped me a little bit with my fear of heights, because I did it and I was okay. Before that, I wouldn’t try anything. Rollercoasters do not really bother me because they’re so fast. Helicopters are scary. Heights are scary. I faced one of my biggest fears. I’m so proud of that. Recently, I just did a zip-line that was so high and it was very, very scary. But I said, “I just jumped out of a helicopter. I can do this freaking zip-line. If I don’t do this zip-line, then there’s something wrong with me and I learned nothing.” So, I think I did face my fears and I think I conquered a little bit of it, but it’s definitely still there. 

You did end up voluntarily withdrawing before getting back to camp. What was the final straw for you?

I’m definitely disappointed in myself. I came in really wanting to prove something. I really wanted to show something. I think signing up for that show is showing something. I’ve been getting a lot of hate and a lot of different things about the show. [I’ve been getting] a lot of support as well. It’s not all bad. But a lot of people are like, “Oh, you didn’t even look tired.” I’m like, “Wait, are we watching the same show?” I was exhausted, I could not move my legs anymore. I could not do anything anymore. Honestly, I thought coming out of such a toxic relationship that having the DS yell at me and scream at me that that was going to be okay and I was going to be able to handle that and that was [going to be] motivating. It’s the opposite for me. It triggered me. I wasn’t prepared like I thought I was, emotionally and mentally, to deal with something like that again. I know that’s their job. No hate towards them whatsoever. That’s their job to put us through the wringer, to do all that stuff. But men screaming at me and putting me down and just telling me how weak I was just wasn’t for me. It just was not for me. I didn’t have any more to give at that point. I was just like, “I miss my son. This is so hard. I faced my fear. I can be proud of myself.” Also, my legs felt like jello. I didn’t think I was going to be able to move anymore. I just didn’t have it in me. I didn’t. I’m disappointed. But at the same time I’m like, “Let me see you try it.”

You should be proud of yourself. I’m sure anyone who is giving you hate could never sign on and do it themselves. Like you said, it’s a big mental hurdle. The physicality is a huge part, but the mental aspect is an even bigger part. And I’m sure it was really hard for you coming out of this toxic relationship, this dark season of The Valley, and even leaving your son. Can you talk a bit about what that was like?

I have never left Cruz for more than one or two days. Three days, maybe, tops. So even though I only made it one day on the show, I was in Morocco for seven days prior to that, so that was the longest I had ever been away from him. That was extremely hard for me. I was dealing with so much that people don’t even know about. I committed to doing this show, and then my world was also crumbling behind the scenes as well. It was just difficult. It was difficult. I really missed him. I put myself out there, I tried, this isn’t for me. I’m so proud of everybody else for doing everything that they did. Then I found out that they were macing each other as soon as I got off the show, and I was like “Okay. I made the right choice.”

If you could nominate any of your co-stars from Vanderpump Rules or The Valley to do future seasons of Special Forces, who would you choose?

I’ve been asked this question a couple times, and there are three people that I think would do good. I think Jason Caperna from The Valley would do great. He’s super fit and he’s a very smart, logical guy. I think he would do great at it. Luke Broderick, Kristen’s fiancé, would be great. He’s also very fit and he’s a country boy. I think that he would try his hardest. He is all about that kind of stuff. I go back and forth on this last one, but I think Michelle [Saniei] would be great because Michelle is also someone who is very fit and she would like to try anything. She loves being outside. She walks 10,000 steps before she even starts her day. I’m like, “How do you do that? You are incredible.” But she would also crack me up because she’s such a girly girl. Those are my top three that I would choose. 

It sounds like we need to do a Valley version of Special Forces and get you back in there.

If I do it again, I’m training hard. I am going to be in a better place. I’m already in such a better place in my life. Hopefully, with more time, I would be just as capable as everybody else.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test airs Thursday nights at 9 p.m. ET/PT on FOX. New episodes are available to stream the next day on Hulu.