Hoda Kotb reveals painful ‘epiphany’ that told her Joel Schiffman relationship was over

Hoda Kotb admitted she had a painful “epiphany” that made her realize her long-term relationship with her ex-fiancé Joel Schiffman was over.

“I loved Joel then, and I love Joel now,” the TV personality told Today.com in an interview published Tuesday.

“I just had to remind myself that it was a different kind of love. You can still love and admire someone and not want to be in a relationship, a long-term relationship that way, personal relationship.”

“It just was an epiphany for me, and it took courage for me to say it,” Kotb, 61, added. “And when I did, I felt like, ‘OK, there it is.’”

Elsewhere in the interview, the retired “Today” show host revealed that she was a “pretender” in relationships and hinted that she drags them out longer than she should.

“I am a total phony in my relationships,” she said. “I think sometimes you know that a relationship is — I would say good — but you think to yourself it’s not deepening.”

“So, you continue along on the relationship, and I think the truth of the matter is sometimes you have to say to yourself, like, I feel like I’m an optimist,” Kotb shared.

“And so, when you’re an optimist, you want to make things work, and sometimes, things don’t.”

The TV personality, however, isn’t in a rush to find another man, saying she’s just “waiting to see what happens.”

“I always tell my kids, ‘Thoughts become things. So what you think about can be,’” she explained. “I’m not running around saying, ‘Set me up. Who’s the guy? What’s the app?’”

“But I do know that in this season, that’s coming — where and how, I’m not clear yet,” Kotb continued, adding that she’s waiting for her “soul connection” and has “no doubt” that there is a person out there for her.

News broke in January 2022 that Kotb and Schiffman, 67, had called off their engagement.

“Joel and I have had a lot of prayerful and meaningful conversations over the holiday and we decided that we’re better as friends and parents than we are as an engaged couple,” Kotb announced on the “Today” show at the time.

The exes are parents to Hayley Joy, 8, and Hope Catherine, 6. 

While Kotb has yet to find her match, she shared in March 2024 that she went on her first date since the breakup during an appearance on “The Kelly Clarkson Show.”