It is beautiful — and empowering — to be your husband’s helper

On Sunday evening, Erika Kirk, the widow of Charlie Kirk, spoke at his funeral service — and I found her words stunning for a number of reasons.

That she found the courage, and the depth of faith, to forgive her husband’s killer.

That, despite her intense grief, she would take on the role of CEO at her husband’s organization to continue his mission to save young Americans.

That she would not waste the opportunity she had been given to speak to the country, calling on young men to “embrace true manhood, be strong and courageous for your families, love your wives and lead them.”

And that she would call on women to be their husband’s “helper” and to follow him — though she implored the men to ensure they were worthy of following.

I know that to many women, and especially in this day and age where nearly 60% of women are in the labor force, her words — her vision for modern marriage — may feel like stepping back half a century.

But to me, her words felt like a revelation. Empowering, even.

Here was a woman sketching out a vision for marriage that my younger self might have scoffed at — yet today I find it not only appealing, but inspiring. In a world of endless choices and constant striving, the idea of a strong, courageous partner — and of being a worthy helper to such a man — resonates.

I don’t think I’m alone.

So many women are exhausted from “doing it all.” The hunger for a lasting, committed partnership, and for a marriage that feels sacred, runs deeper than many modern women care to admit. 

God’s vision for marriage — a Christian husband, a wife as helper — those were not words I grew up hearing. Raised in the secular mecca of San Francisco, it was rare that I heard about God, even less in the context of marriage. I grew up thinking that marriage is about equality. That a man and woman are meant to be partners and to share equally in the creation and support of a household. I believed that the Christian view of marriage was outdated and sexist — not to mention incongruous with the needs of a modern family.

I always imagined myself in a marriage reflecting that approach and sought partners who, like me, believed in becoming “equal.”

To my younger self, it was simple. Traditional marriage, bad; modern marriage, good. It never would have crossed my mind to seek guidance from the Bible — let alone God — on how to relate to my future spouse. 

In this context, a “biblical” marriage was a direct counterpoint to the modern era. A direct assault, even. 

So why did I hear Erika Kirk’s words on Monday morning and begin to cry? 

Because she spoke truth to something I believe so many women and men now feel. There is something deeply powerful and compelling about the way the Bible (or the Torah, as I, a Jewish woman, call it) speaks about marriage. 

Going deeper, I went to my Torah. At the service, Erika spoke of people who last week opened a Bible for the first time in a decade. I am one of them. After watching a few hours of her speeches last weekend, I concluded that it was completely unacceptable that I had not read from the Bible at home since my bat mitzvah. 

So I went and bought myself two.

And it’s worth going over what the Bible says about marriage. It comes up early, in the story of Adam and Eve: “God said, ‘It is not good that man be alone; I will make him a helper corresponding to him.” And further: “A man shall leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” 

That term, “helper,” takes a lot of heat. Many will say it demeans a woman, that rather than be a “helper” to her husband, she should be an equal. 

However, it isn’t quite so simple.

As Erika argued, a wife’s role is not that of a subservient subject, but rather a source of strength and partnership. Many rabbis, in analyzing the Hebrew word for “helper” — “ezer” — note that the same word is used to describe God later in Psalms. To them, “helper” connotes a “divine-like” support. 

“Your wife is not your servant,” she said. “Your wife is not your employee. Your wife is not your slave. She is your helper. You are not rivals. You are one flesh working together for the glory of God.”

In a society where we argue daily, sometimes even viciously, about “what is a woman,” there is something profoundly grounding — and clarifying — about this view of womanhood, manhood and marriage. Man and woman as one flesh. Woman as divine helper. Man as protector and provider.

Together, as one flesh, they accomplish more as a team than they could alone. 

I grew up in a culture steeped in feminism. One where women were encouraged to pursue careers, change the world, and never rely on a man. Feminism promised women freedom. What many found, however, was loneliness.

Gen Z is expected to become the most unmarried, childless generation in American history; Charlie Kirk fought actively against that. Marriage, he believed, could be an antidote to isolation, mental illness and spiritual drift. Charlie, as he found in Bible teachings, believed that man should not be alone. That man can benefit from a divine helper. He had that in Erika. As she explained during Sunday’s service, Charlie wrote her a love note every Saturday and ended it with, “How can I better serve you as a husband?”

What a beautiful and profound ritual — writing to one’s spouse words of gratitude and devotion.

As my dad likes to say, “Nobody ever feels too appreciated.”   

In some secular circles, words like devotion and servitude are treated like four-letter words. But today I don’t believe they are so bad. And are they actually at odds with feminism? After all, Erika is no wallflower. She is educated, entrepreneurial, a podcaster and political influencer — and now she steps into the CEO role of a nationwide organization.

What she and her husband have argued in support of is marriage as two people devoted to one another, even in service to one another.

To me, that is beautiful and worth aspiring to. That vision does not preclude professional success — it strengthens it.

Together, Erika and Charlie Kirk were stronger, and they believed deeply that it is not good to be alone.

That we all need help — and consequently helpers — both divine and mortal.