Forget the celeb snark of the Golden Globes — our stars used to have an edge

Starry tales of woe & oh?!

Over the years I’ve collected trunksful of stories. I’m — now — unloading a few:

1962. Once “Army Recruiting” Jane Fonda — wearing red, white and blue — praised our military. Later, changed by the Vietnam War, “Hanoi Jane” traveled in the “FTA” review — as in “F the Army.” On Dick Cavett’s show she declared America was only fighting because of Vietnam’s valuable “tung and tinsten” deposits. Later learning those minerals were tin and tungsten, she replied, “I didn’t have time to sit down with books.”

The ’70s. Dennis Hopper’s daily diet? A few beers and a half-gallon of rum. Once Hopper challenged Rip Torn to a knife fight. Came a lawsuit. Filming “The Last Movie” in Peru, Hopper complained “uptight” authorities had stopped hotel parties featuring bad trips, screaming naked women and whipping parties.

When Tatum O’Neal left school to pursue acting, her classmates applauded. Her father Ryan O’Neal’s comfort? “Tatum, that’s what actors live for — applause.”

Teenage Mia Farrow who was friends with Salvador Dalí complained her life was in a rut. His suggestion? He said she should wear her shoes on the opposite feet. (Listen, maybe that could explain some of his paintings.)

Once Clint Eastwood installed a special security system in his Jeep. The alarm warned intruders: “Go ahead. Make my day.”

Stephen Stills dreamt of joining the Monkees. Rejected, he suggested bassist Peter Tork. Arriving for an audition, Tork accidentally walked into a wall. He promptly got the job.

1985’s “King Solomon’s Mines.” The crew didn’t love leading lady Sharon Stone. Reportedly, they peed in a barrel of water she was to jump into during an escape scene.

While performing “The Act,” Liza Minnelli spotted Marlene Dietrich in the front row. She then took Dietrich’s hand. About to kiss it Liza suddenly realized it wasn’t Dietrich but some cockeyed psychiatrist look-alike. Flustered, ending up with the psychiatrist’s own finger up the doc’s own nose, Liza then left the stage. What later happened to the busy psychiatric finger, this I don’t know.

One more. Quentin Tarantino. Following the success of “Pulp Fiction,” he treated himself to a nice holiday in Europe. He loved it. He took an intense liking to European women. Ask why and his specific answer? “They give me a lot of leeway when it comes to personal hygiene.”

Under the bright lights

This one happened to me. Had dinner with a Hollywood gent who loves everyone. No bad word about anyone — except one. Then came his laundry list against Raquel Welch.

This was years ago, when I was on TV’s celebrity show “A Current Affair” — emceed by Maury Povich. The next day I’m told my camera interview was with Raquel Welch!

The interview was not what we wanted. This favor was to promote a recording she’d made. She requested it. Told OK, the show will squeeze in 3 minutes on camera. Her hotel was close. She insisted on a chauffeured limo. Demanding hair and makeup, she made electricians redo the studio lighting. Did not like her chair and insisted a more elegant one replace it.

She was a pest. So I asked — on air — why she’s such a pain. She glared at me — live TV — unpinned her mike and said: “And you are a pain in the ass.” She then stalked out leaving me all alone facing a live audience and with a hot mike like an idiot sitting all alone in a big room with nobody to talk to and cameras focusing on my face. Nice.

So thanks for watching, thanks for listening, thanks for me remembering . . . and let us not forget that this was only in New York, kids, only in New York.